1. Jane Addams High School is located in the Bronx. It's a vocational school in which my major was cosmetology. In about 10 Th grade I realized a great interest in hair and make up. I love making people feel beautiful and enhancing there beauty as well. In 2 years I would like to have build more skills in make up and obtain a cosmetology license in make upping. Make up is the best way of showing your personality.
When getting into the cosmetology , I must be aware of any move I make. I have to make sure I know the schools or teachings I'm getting are good enough and are not wasting my time. Therefore I must do research.
2. Cosmetology schools provide many new learning skills to better my goal in becoming a make up artist. For example, Empire Beauty school located in manhattan is a 3 week program that cost $3,066. After passing an exam I am able to get my certificate. This school can help me learn new techniques and styles to use on people. However, the cost of the school can be a challenge. I must get a job that can work with the schedule the school gives me. Perhaps I can save money and give little payments to pay off the tuition.
3. Enhancing others beauty is a great form of creativity. I enjoy using soft colors as well as bright colors like greens and pinks. I must get in tune with my experience I had in Jane Addams. Using colors that describes the clients personality is a way of building clients. Keeping them can be a dilemma. I must create new blending and ideas to enrich people's eye color and minds.
4. Family can be challenge for me. I'm currently going thru financial issues. That being said it can cause stress and distractions for me to focus. I need to have a close friend I can talk to when I'm getting overwhelm. As well as a notebook for me to express my feelings and thoughts about any situation I'm going through.
5. Makeup is a great way of expressing myself. Cosmetics consist of many different colors, images, styles, and personality. Therefore making it a way of personalizing your own creativity. Whenever you're feeling a certain way you can show it with makeup. I believe that with motivation and determination I am about to fulfill my goal.
Seeking Review: The type of review I am looking for is weather my paper makes sense or not. If you can understand what I'm trying to say through my essay. Is my method of organizing good and is my thesis is strong. Should I provide more details?
Seeking Review: The type of review I am looking for is weather my paper makes sense or not. If you can understand what I'm trying to say through my essay. Is my method of organizing good and is my thesis is strong. Should I provide more details?
I think that your organization is good, you just need to work more in the connection works. An I would have use the last sentence of your intro as the first sentence to keep more attention on the reader. Developing essay map is good, you did fallow the same order that you use on your introduction. This is a nice goal, good luck with it. I am sure that you would be a great make up artist.
ReplyDeleteNadia Bonilla
ReplyDeleteENG101
Stephanie LG- Post Review
1- Paragraph:
I believe that Stephanie has a strong thesis, which is to shows people’s personalities throughout make up. Also, the fact that she is going into many difficulties in order to achieve what she want. Financial and family struggles are being an obstacle for her. However, I believe that her description and interest in other people personality is going to make her a good make up artist. Cosmetology is a profession that can only be accomplish with a lot of perseverance. Hopefully, she already has a background from Jane Addams HS that give hers a basic learning about her goal in life.
2- Yes, it is.
3- Yes, it is.
4- Using it as the first sentence and developing the idea from there.
5- My attention began at the last sentence of the introduction where the thesis is show.
6- Yes, there is a thesis map.
7- Yes, the essay map is organized from personalities to time period to achieve the goal. Also the body paragraphs are in the same order.
8- Only that I suggest to use the last sentence of her intro as her first sentence. Besides that is a good introduction.
9- Yes, there are.
10-Yes, the topic sentences do support the thesis.
11- By using more connecting works.
12- Yes, they do.
13- there is a mix at some point.
14- Yes, they are.
15- There are clear statements that I get. Just need to use more connection works.
16- I think the paragraphs are fallowing the order of the introduction.